Big Daddy Gouda

• I shed a tear at the end of Marley and Me. I got choked up watching the Yankees hoist their 27th World Series trophy. Yet I have not so much as frowned over the Haiti quake.
• I hate Dane Cook
•  I don’t watch House, CSI, Survivor or How I Met Your Mother
• I usually change the radio station when a Led Zeppelin song comes on. Especially Stairway…yuck.
• I get excited for wrestling Pay Per Views like The Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania.
• You tell me the title of the Little House on the Prairie episode and I’ll tell you about the whole episode.
• There have been 500 episodes of The Simpsons. I’ve seen every single one of them.
• If she was hot and willing I’d do her. Wedding ring or not. Actually “hot” would simply be icing on the cake.
• Sometimes I find myself saying things to Andy the Puggle as if I’m expecting an answer back. “So what did you do today while Uncle Walt was at work?”
• Dramatic Facebook status updates make me cringe and definitely do not illicit any of the sympathetic feelings that the poster intended. Actually it has the complete opposite effect.
• Actually, if you are one of those dramatic status updaters, there is a good chance we’re giggling about it behind your back.
• I prefer amateur porn to the high-end stuff. I dunno but bleach blond woman with fake boobs and plastic faces just don’t do it for me.
• I have a secret crush on……ehh, we’ll save that truth for another day…..or will we?

I love stand-up comedy. I always have. As a group of friends many nights were spent sitting around watching old tapes of comedy routines. Mainly classic Eddie Murphy (raw, delirious) as well as those classic young comedian shows on HBO where performers like David Spade and Rob Schneider were actually funny.

Of all the comedians we watched growing up there was one glaring reality: Female comedians simply weren’t funny. It’s not that we didn’t give them a chance, we’d watch the beginning of the routine and after two minutes if we weren’t laughing (we never were) we’d fast forward the tape to the next male comedian.

So, as I headed to the Warner Theater Saturday night to see the Queen of Mean, Lisa Lampanelli, I did so with fingers crossed.

Sure I’ve seen her on the Comedy Central Roasts and I’ve listened to her on The Howard Stern radio show and more often that not she had me cracking up. However,  I was nervous that her hard core sense of humor would be too much for Torrington and therefore she’d hold back and in the process be unfunny.

Thankfully I was wrong.

Not only was Lampanelli’s one hour set at the Warner absolutely fucking hilarious but it was one of the greatest comedy shows I’ve ever seen. To put it into perspective I’ve seen Jerry Seinfeld and David Chappelle live as well.

She brought her full repertoire of X-rated material to Torrington and kicked it into overdrive.

She used every racial and ethnic slur in the book. There were Jews, Blacks, Puerto Ricans and Gays in the audience and boy did she let them have it.

My favorite part of the show is when she called to the stage a 16 year old dude from the audience and gave him the Lisa Lampanelli quiz.

Let’s just say one of the questions was:  “What group of people are known for being lazy and smelly?”

Truth be told a few people in the audience walked out. One guy was actually kicked out, but I’d say 90 % of the near sell-out crowd ate it up. I mean, come on, If you’re at a Lisa Lampanelli show you know what you’re in for.

While the majority of her jokes are racist, Lampanelli doesn’t come off as a bigot, if that makes sense. I would classify her as an equal opportunity offender. She even made fun of her fat Italian husband with big balls.  And, to be fair, throughout the show Lampanelli would constantly cut on herself, referring to herself as “fat”, “slut” and “trashy”.

It was a great time indeed and while it was definitely a risque, raunch-fest, it was also refreshing to hear a female comedian that was not only funny but just as side-splittingly hilarious as any male master of comedy that i’ve seen.

Dane Cook ain’t got nothing on that bitch.

Unless I absolutely feel the need to write something, this will serve as the final Big Daddy Gouda post of the decade.

And, as far as this blog goes,  I’ve come up with a fitting way to close out the last 10 years.

TOP 10 THINGS THAT I’LL REMEMBER ABOUT THE LAST 10 YEARS:

10. September 11, 2001: While I was not directly impacted by the terrorist attacks, being an American citizen I was indirectly affected. 9/11 is (unfortunately) one of the most historic things that ever happened in the history of this country and, along with millions of others, I watched it unfold live on the local news.

9. NICHOLAS PIZZA: Most of us can say we’ve had at least one job we loved. I can honestly say that about my pizza delivery job I held from 2001-2003. I had barely any responsibility, I absolutely loved my co-workers and, believe it or not, the money was really good. Nicholas Pizza on Water Street. The best job I ever had.

8. PARTY! PARTY! PARTY! The decade kicked-off  with what I’ll always remember as my favorite New Years Party ever, held at Jewett’s apartment just off campus at UCONN.  In the years that followed I did a hell of a lot more partying than I ever thought I would.  In the early part of the decade almost every Friday night was spent at bars in Hartford and as the decade draws to a close, area homeowners like Jay/Jamie, The Jewett’s and Gruzzy/Carie have opened their homes to picnics, parties and small get togethers. Here’s to hoping the tradition continues, even just a little bit, in the next decade.

7. WEDDINGS & BABIES: I must admit, I’ve been to some kick-ass weddings this decade. Goat and Carrie, Jewett and Gesette and of course, the legendary union of Aaron and Erin.  A few friends of mine even got married on a boat somewhere. And while the weddings were a blast it wasn’t long before the babies came. Now, most picnics and parties are populated by the wee-ones.

6. JOURNALISM: By chance I got a job as a reporter in August of 2007. I’ve basically been in the newspaper business since then.  It’s the closest thing I’ve ever had to a career.

5. TURNING 30: Being a teenager, the thought of turning 30 was surreal. Too far away to truly comprehend. Since I hit the big 3-0 (ushered in brilliantly during a party at Jamie’s place) I’ve noticed subtle changes in my mind-set.  I’m more content to stay home. I worry more about money. I get anxiety about being single and childless. And while you really don’t get much more adult than 30, I still feel like that punk kid who thought being 30 makes you OLD.

4. HOME FOR SALE: My boyhood home went on the market in mid 2007. It didn’t sell. Since the ‘for sale’ signs went up nearly three years ago, my father and sister have left, leaving me as the sole occupant to a big ole house that once held so many. Recently Andy the puggle moved in and, as I’ve said before, has added a lot of energy to the place which is nice. But if you had told me 10 years ago that the last remaining occupants of The Gogolya Home (built 1934) would be myself and some half beagle/half pug, well, I would have called you a lying scumbag.

3. GRAM DIES:  My aunt Barbara said it best at Gram’s funeral: “It’s the end of an era”. And how right she was. I should have known that shortly after Gram passed, the family home would follow suit.  Never did the house shine as bright as it did when she was there.  Growing up, Gram truly was the glue that held the family together.  Relatives that I never see anymore would always stop by the house to visit. Especially around the holidays when they would take in Gram’s legendary cooking.

2. AIDAN NATHANIEL WEIK: No one has changed my life more in the last 10 years than little Aidan, born June 29, 2001. From the moment I visited him in the hospital the day he was born to this past Sunday, sitting in Dunkin Donuts before taking in Alvin & The Chipmunks, when he said to me, “Uncle Walt, What made God decide to create the world?”  Never have I enjoyed the decade more than the times I spent watching him grow up.

1. JULY 10, 2010:  That is the expected arrival date of the newest member to our family. Yep, just before Thanksgiving my sister informed me that she and her husband are expecting their first child in July, which will (finally) make me an “Uncle Walt” for real.

It’s hard to believe that 10 years has flown by.  Every decade leading up to this one can be easily defined: Think the Vietnam/Hippie/Beatles era of the 60s, The disco 70s, The cheesy 80s and The Grungy 90s.

I’m guessing that when it’s all said and done, the first 10 years of the millenium will be remembered for its technological advances: iphone, ipod….hmm, The Apple Decade possibly?

Anyhow, Top “this and that” of the decade lists are popping up all over the place. I’ll try to do some over the next month starting today with:

TOP 10 SHOWS OF THE LAST 10 YEARS

1. THE SOPRANOS – Who’s gonna argue with that?

2. LOST – I can’t believe it all comes to a close in six months at which point it will ALL be explained. Right? Season 5 is now available on DVD, which means any ambitious person out there who still hasn’t caught on, can rent all the seasons just in time for the final season premiere in Feb.

3. BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER – don’t believe me? Rent it.

4. SIX FEET UNDER – The first HBO show I ever got into. I still miss the Fishers and all those dead bodies.

5. THE SHIELD – A great show made better by the series final few episodes and an ending where the main character, unlike say Tony Soprano, gets exactly what he deserves.

6. RESCUE ME – A show about firefighters in a post 9/11 world led by Dennis Leary- a loveable womanizing drunk.

7. NIP/TUCK – Soft core porn every Wednesday night at 10 p.m. for the past five years. Any young guy who says he doesn’t aspire to be Dr. Christian Troy when he grows up is a lying scumbag.

8. ENTOURAGE – Guys I can’t imagine NOT hanging out with every Sunday night during the summer.

9. 24 - Like watching a movie every week at  home for free.

10. SMALLVILLE - The only show about a famous superhero to ever actually work on TV. While Spiderman and The Incredible Hulk had cult followings, you have to admit those shows were pretty effing bad.