Big Daddy Gouda

It was a winter morning similar to today. It had rained the whole night. Everything was frozen and school was canceled.

I got dressed and went outside. How fun it was to get a running start and then slide down my semi-steep driveway; kind of like surfing. I slipped a few times but that was part of the fun.

I remember beggin my stepfather not to put sand down so I could spend my day slipping and sliding. Little did I know how much slipping and sliding I’d actually do.

Around lunch time my mother bundled my sister and I up as we were about to journey to the center of Litchfield to do a little shopping.

We lived on route 202 at the time, about a quarter mile away from the Litchfield Green.

We went to Superior Foods so mom could buy a few groceries, then we went to Murphy’s Drug Store where my sister and I were allowed to buy candy.

I remember leaving Murphy’s with a little brown bag filled with goodies.  That’s the only thing I remember about being in the center of town that day….

I opened my eyes. I was on my back on the side of route 202. My mother and sister hovered over me. They were crying. I was confused.

My mother told me I had turned around to say something, slipped and landed on my back.

Mom tells me I was unconscious for about a minute.

When we arrived back home mom called  Doctor Wan K. Moon. He said as long as I wasn’t dizzy, seeing spots or nauseous I should be okay. He also advised her to keep me awake for a few hours.

Aside from a little headache I felt fine.

I remember watching TV for a while until it was time to leave for Torrington and go to  dads for the night.

As we left the house to venture to the car, I noticed the  sidewalk that I had so much fun on earlier in the day  was now covered with sand. I was glad.

As soon as I arrived at dad’s my grandfather gave me the classic concussion test.

“How many fingers am I holding up,” he asked, holding up three digits.

“Three,” I responded.

“Ahh, your fine,” he said, as he went back to watching TV.

It was the only time in my life I  lost consciousness. Aside from passing out a few times from drinking too much, it was the only time I was not in control of whether I stayed awake or slept.

Although I may have been knocked out one day as my friend Bob and I wrestled in my room. Rumor has it he kicked me in the face and dropped me like a ton of bricks. Though, memories from my days with Bob are spotty at best.

Be carefull out there today.

and speaking of falling……………

I woke up and she was there. Naked. Dark skin. Long wavy black hair. Laying next to me, head in her hand, propped up on her elbow.

It took me about five seconds to remember. Then, like a puzzle, it all fell into place. We’d met the night before at a party. I made her laugh. She thought I was interesting. We both drank a bit too much, and here we are. Problem was, I didn’t know her name. I knew I knew it last night, but it escaped me now.

By the looks of her, I thought it might be something exotic. She had that look. I’d describe it as islandy.

“Good morning,” she said, with some sort of accent. Brazilian maybe?

“Good morning,” I said, back. Before I could say anything else, like the wrong name, she started kissing me. Not passionately, kind of like a married couple or at least a couple who were very comfortable with each other.

The next thing I knew it was the middle of the day. The sun was shining but it was cold. We were walking together and we had coffee in our hands.

“What do you want to do,” she asked.

As I answered, “I don’t care, it’s up to you,” I thought how odd, that it seemed like only seconds ago we were in my bedroom kissing and now we were walking in the sunny cold, drinking coffee.

Also strange, I was in love with this girl I’d known about 12 hours. And she loved me. She didn’t say it and neither did I. It was just a fact that didn’t need to be proved.

As happy as I was something didn’t seem right. That thought was at the forefront of my mind as we got into my jeep…..

My eyes popped open. The TV was on, as it is every morning when I wake up. I was in my bed. I was alone.

Her face was still in my mind and the love I felt for this woman as we walked in the sun was still with me. Her face, though clear in my mind was disappearing, along with it, this phony love created by a mind that wanders at will while the rest of me sleeps.

People dream every night. Some dreams we remember, most we don’t. Sometimes, as I’m dreaming I even know I’m dreaming. If I am uncomfortable in a dream, I am a master of shaking myself awake. I do this a lot during nightmares.

This dream, the one about the girl, was one of those odd ones. Odd because they seem so real. Unlike a dream but more like a vivid memory.

I’ve been having those dreams a lot lately. The ones that seem all too real. Let me just say, I’m not on any sleep aids, anti-depressents or anti-smoking pills, that some people have told me cause really wild dreams. None the less, for the last week, I’ve been having crazy crazy night time adventures.

This past week, besides being in love, I’ve been chased by criminals, I’ve been a criminal myself, I got shot in the head, didn’t feel any pain and didn’t die, I’ve been 31 years old in my brain but stuck back in high school without any of my friends and in danger of failing and, an old flame, once again, wanted me. Yup, that’s been my week.

I was discussing these dreams with a co-worker of mine and he actually had a pretty good theory. He thought maybe my dreams, like anyone else’s, are fucked up everynight. However, for some reason, over the last week, I’ve just done a better job remembering them.

Does that mean the craziest dreams are taking place right before I wake up and that’s why they stick in my mind? Is that how it works?

I guess I should be thankful that crazy dreams are all I have to deal with as I sleep. I have one friend on Ambien who wakes up in the middle of the night, eats raw bacon and has no recollection of it the next morning.

Mmm bacon…….

There is currently a forward circulating Facebook where it asks participants to list 25 random facts about themselves and then pass it on. I’ve been reading other peoples. ( i didn’t know Amy was on the radio?) But, rather than take part on Facebook, I’d rather do it here, where I’ve always shown  preferential treatment over Facebook and, ahem, Myspace.

Here are 25 Random and not so Random things about me that you may or may not know.

1. I’ve had 7 sexual partners

2. I’ve never done Heroin, Crack, Meth or Ecstasy but I’ve tried pretty much everything else.

3. I’m a member of Match.com

4. On the rare instances where I get my coffee from Dunkin Donuts I get a medium Toasted Almond, light and sweet.

5. I have songs by Justin Timberlake, New Kids on the Block and Enya on my IPOD.

6. I’ve faked an orgasm

7. I rented the movie Sweet November with Keanu Reeves and Charlize Theron and watched it alone.

8. Most of my “crushes” are either out of my league or married and more often than not, both.

9. Usually when I go to the movies in Waterbury I buy my ticket from the machine using my credit card and I always select “child” or “senior citizen” so I can get the ticket for cheap. At the Waterbury Mall they never EVER check.

10. I watch Greys Anatomy

11. I’ve seen Twilight 4 times. 3 at the movies and once illegally online.

12. I read Aprille’s diary while she was in class.

13. I can spot a dark soul as easily as I can spot a pure one. Ask me about someone and I’ll tell you what they are all about.

14. Lately the song I’ve been singing in the shower is “All these things that I’ve done” by The Killers”.

15. I’ve performed stand up comedy on a New York stage 3 times. The first time I was good. The second time I KILLED and the third time I bombed. I never returned after the bombing.

16. I can’t remember the last time I hugged my father- Probably not since elementary school. I’ve never said “I love you” to him. I’ve hugged my sister twice, the day I graduated and the day I left for college. I hug my mother every time I see her. I tell her I love her as we say our goodbyes on the phone or in person.

17. After a night of partying, rather than sleep on someone’s floor or in a strange bed, I’ve driven home drunk.

18. 95 percent of the time I shave, I do it in the shower, rather than over the sink in front of the mirror.

19. Some songs that I used to love but now I can’t stand include “Black” by Pearl Jam and “Mr Jones” by The Counting Crows.

20. I’ve only truly loved one woman in my lifetime.

21. I can eat anchovies plain, right out of the can.

22. From 2001 to 2003 I’d say I was in the best shape of my life. I didn’t eat fast food and I exercised daily. At the height of this three year health kick, I was running 3-6 miles a clip, three or four times a week. On days  I didn’t run I was lifting weights.

23. I was obsessed with the Jagger/Brenda/Jason love triangle on General Hospital.

24. Some odd things I find attractive in women are eyes that sparkle, small feet and jean overalls.

25. I can remember all the jobs I’ve ever had, in order: Maintenance worker at Lakeride, Lodge Attendant at Lakeridge,  Age of Video, Patco, Liquor Depot, Blockbuster, Nicholas Pizza, Erotic Empire, Domino’s Pizza, Jeep Salesman at Northwest Hills, Insurance Agent at CIGNA, Nicholas Pizza again. The Register Citizen.