Good Evening Everyone.
MIDDLETOWN - Apparently West Hartford reporter Justin Klokzko does not understand why pitchers are such horrible hitters, arguing that they should be able to hit what they themselves dish out.
LITCHFIELD – In a move that could have serious ramifications when the school year begins anew in September, Colin Pratt is reporting that there are no more pencils and no more books. Whether or not the items were victims of budgetary cuts has yet to be determined.
FLORIDA – Nicole Tarullo is watching Intervention and she is crying. The waterworks allegedly began during the previews for Monday night’s episode. We can only hope she has a box of Kleenex handy.
CONNECTICUT - Kayte Handlewich Bendtzen will attempt to make it to bed early tonight. We wish her luck.
ROCKY HILL – Ashlie Dranginis has lost her cat as she is set to move back home to Litchfield tomorrow. The missing feline has reportedly been lost since Friday and while there are no suspects her one-eyed dog Tessa has been labeled a “person of interest.”
NEW BRITAIN – According to Amanda Stasonis the sun is shinning in the blue sky. We are asking readers to take her word for it as experts have stated looking up at the sun could cause severe damage to ones eyes.
FLORIDA – Stephanie Powell has made a salad for dinner along with a mulit-grain pizza. However Powell never actually ate the salad but a crisis was averted when Powell decided to work out following dinner.
CONNECTICUT - Reports out of Bethlehem indicate Krista Modine suffered a food-related injury after getting hot sauce in both eyes while biting into a buffalo chicken sandwich. Officials at the Franks Red Hot Company could not be reached for comment.
WASHINGTON DC – Those wondering when Leah Wu’s acute fashion sense began can rest easy. Wu herself confirmed through photographs Monday that it began at “a young age.”
LITCHFIELD - Reports coming from Meadow Street indicate Meridith Shafter has fallen into a deep depression since returning from Lake George. The source of this sadness has yet to be named, though unconfirmed sources indicate it has to do with her lack of a place to night swim.
BOSTON – Falling into the “No Duh” category, Jin Lee is reporting it’s warm out.
LITCHFIELD – Following in the footsteps of TS Elliot, Carrie Newton Copeland has decided to disturb the universe.
BREAKING NEWS: After what was admittedly his best leg workout ever, things took a turn for the worse, according to Gordon Falcetti, who says his thighs are devastated.
NORTHFIELD - And finally, some sad news to report out of Northfield. According to former college Professor Mike Dobos, “Nothing is ever good.” We can only hope, America, that Dobos is wrong.
So, that’s the Facebook news. To quote Russ Tanguay, “Good Night.’
