Big Daddy Gouda

With 2011 set to kick off in days with Jay/Jamie’s (somewhat) annual New Years Eve Party, I think it’s time to reflect back at the past 12 Months:

2010 started off at a bar. Yes, for only the second time since my friends and I started celebrating New Years as a group we spent the evening, not at a house party but at an establishment. If I had to sum it up in a word, “Meh.” Not a lot of people attended and by midnight rather than try and find someone to kiss I was looking for a sober ride home.

In February I spent Valentines Day with Ashlie. We did dinner (sushi) and a movie (The Wolfman). And while I wouldn’t call it the most romantic night I would call it one of my favorite Valentine’s Days. While that was the most fun I had in February the worst time I had is when I went sliding off the road into a guard rail and blew out my tire. And I thought Jeeps were supposed to be good in the snow. Like my dad says, “Yeah but not when you’re trying to take a corner going 30 during a blizzard.” Touche

March and April, for the first time since I left home for college in 95, were moving months. I left my family home and moved into a studio apartment in Litchfield. The area surrounding my home was beautiful. Forest as far as the eye could see. Along with that forest came ticks and toads who entered my small home any chance they got. I think Bub said it best: “That place is nice Gouda but after a while you’ll start to go a little Clockwork Orange.”

So, on April 1 I moved again. Keely’s mother-in-law had a pet friendly, spacious, two-bedroom apartment available in Torrington. The rent was more than reasonable and the selling point for me: A five minute walk to the movie theater.

May brought to a close my favorite show of all time. LOST ended after six seasons with a two-hour finale that I found most impressive. For most I don’t think life without LOST has sunk in. But as we get into the first few weeks of 2011 the reality will sink in because, after all, for the past few years, late January, early February is when LOST would have its season premieres.

The start of the summer brought new life. Aidan and Grayson welcomed a brother, Oliver while my sister made me an “Uncle Walt” for real when my niece Bella was born July 2. The rest of the summer was sorta ho-hum. I saw some great films like Inception and Toy Story 3 and some really bad ones like A-Team and Salt. Salt! What was I thinking??

Fall had its ups and down. The demise of the New York Yankess was pretty fucking awful while Jamie’s Halloween Party was pretty rockin, natch. My parents got me an early Christmas present this year in the form of a 50-inch flat screen TV. Besides Andy it’s the nicest thing I’ve ever owned.

And speaking of Andy. While last year him living with me was kind of work in progress, in 2010 he definitely became part of the family. I never thought I’d feel that way about a dog but it just happened. I mean, how can you turn your back on someone who is always happy to see you? My father, who I always thought hated animals, always asks about Andy whenever he calls. Gesette bought him a house-warming gift when we moved (which he destroyed by chewing to pieces) and this Christmas when I went to my moms there were not only gifts for me but for Andy as well.

Who knows what 2011 will bring. Some things I’m already looking forward to include U2 at Giants Stadium on my birthday and, of course, Jay and Jamie’s wedding. Other than that, who knows.

Hopefully see a lot of you Friday. And keep an eye out for my annual Top 10 Films of the Year list where I’m sure Tooth Fairy will be #1.

As most of you know there is a somewhat annoying little numbers game going around Facebook these days.

And,  I’ve decided to do my OWN version. I’ve assigned my own numbers to my Facebook friends, along with a little blurb about them, but it’s up to my wicked SMART friends to figure out who they are.

btw, I’m only doing a few for now.

1 – I don’t think you like me very much but that’s okay cuz you don’t really know me.

5- You are a true friend who does tons for me and asks nothing more in return then that we spend a little time together once in a while.

6- Your status updates are really really annoying. But I love you…sorta.

10- Even though you’re a drama queen, I love you…sorta.

21 – We were kind of chummy in high school. According to your Facebook photos you kind of turned in to a knockout and I wish I had at least attempted to scoop you up way back when…Call me!!

24- You always  seemed like a really nice person with the most sincere intentions yet I think I was kind of a jerk to you most of the time. Sorry.

29- You are mad cool. Most of the time I think we may share a brain.

54 – If I didn’t have you to talk sports with I’d probably never talk sports.

11 – There were times in my life that I told myself I was never speaking to you again.  Now when I think of all those disappointments I just laugh. Whenever you call, I answer the phone. Everytime. And I can’t really say that about anyone else.

666- You have nice feet.

31 – I used to tease you endlessly. Then one day a mutual friend told me you hated me and thought I was an asshole. From that day fourth I teased you a little less. Just a little.

23 – You were kind of a fuckup who I really believed was gonna end up dead in an alley somewhere. But you pulled it together and i always hope you are doing well.

99 – Sometimes your stories go on and on and on and it can be hard to get a word  in edge-wise, but you have always been a loyal buddy who seemed to truly care what was going on in my life.

720 -You need to lose weight and cut your hair. Find a higher paying job and get a nicer car. Then maybe you’ll find someone to marry you…maybe

NORTH POLE – In a shocking development, the United States Department of Defense has declared Santa Claus  “Public Enemy #1″ and expect to serve him with a slew of  arrest warrants when he sets foot on American soil during his annual Christmas Eve trek.

The arrest warrants are the result of a three-year investigation which was launched in 2007 after Congress created a new law making home invasions a felony.

“This guy has basically been entering people’s homes without permission for the past 100 years,”  said Owen Liberman, spokesperson for the Department of Defence. “He comes in uninvited, helps himself to cookies, milk and God knows what else!”

Over the years many home owners have reported that, along with half-eaten cookies and empty milk glasses, they have also noticed jewelry and other household items missing, according to Liberman.

One woman in Tennessee, who lives alone, found out she was pregnant shortly after Christmas in 2008, according to the arrest warrant. She couldn’t recall the last time she had been with another man and reported seeing a red glowing light outside her window on Christmas Eve and then waking up under her Christmas tree, half-naked, surrounded by red balls of fuzz and with no memory of the last several hours.

Officials at the Department of defense are encouraging Americans to detain Claus if they happen to catch him in their homes on Christmas Eve. Anyone found to be aiding St. Nick will be charged as an accomplice, officials said.

Experts don’t expect these warrants to stop Claus as this is not the first time the Jolly Fat Man has escaped trouble.

In 1986, Santa dodged an onslaught of bullets after flying over Los Angeles during a gang war between the Bloods and The Crips.

More recently Santa had to finish his holiday deliveries with eight, rather than 9 Reindeer, after Donner was sucked into the engine of a 747 while flying over JFK Airport in 2002.