Big Daddy Gouda

Now that I’ve had time to decompress from what can only be summed up as The Wedding of The Millenium I’d just like to share a few things I was too nervous to say in front of the hundreds in attendance and the millions watching at home Saturday.

I met Jamie when I was 16. I had a super-duper crush on her friend Becca Clock. Adam and Tai were my best friends at the time and Jamie would invite us to her home on Wilson Road to swim and hangout while I tried to get Jamie to put in a good word for me with Becca.

Years passed, but we remained friends. Spending time together at parties, mostly in Tai’s crowded room or Jamie’s backyard when her parents went away. “Dude, someone better take that bottle away from that kid…Chug! Chug! Chug!”

Our friendship endured into our twenties and then one day I met Jay. He had always been friends with my sis and she vouched for him as ” a cool kid.”

One night, like many nights, I was drinking at the Tavern. Jamie, naturally was there, and that night, instead of leaving with the group, she left with Jay, their arms were  wrapped around each other as they walked to Jamie’s Jeep and my jaw was on the floor. Mostly I was just perturbed that something like this was going on and I knew nothing about it.

“You didn’t know about that,” Tai would say. “They’ve been hooking up for a while.”

Many years later Jay would remark, “I spent my first few years out of college getting blackout drunk at the tavern…somewhere in that haze I met Jamie.” She would later remark that she took an interest in Jay because he was the only one who would do Jack Daniels shots with her.

It was no surprise that Jay and I became fast friends. We shared a love for movies, wrestling and most importantly, The New York Yankees.

To paint a clear picture of my friendship with those two I have to look no further than Valentines Day 2003. I was sitting home alone feeling sorry for myself because the girl I loved, loved someone else. My phone rang and it was Jamie. She asked if I wanted to go to the bar with her and Jay. I declined. It was Valentines Day and not a time for a depressed third wheel. That’s when Jay grabbed the phone from Jamie.

“You’re coming out with us,” he said. “We’re not in to Valentines day!”

Eight years later, that is definetly the best Valentines Day I ever had. I don’t think I paid for one drink that night and every time I turned my head there was suddenly a shot or a Redbull/Vodka in front of me. If I never thanked them for that day I’m doing it now.

A few years ago we celebrated Cooters 30 Birthday with a surprise party at The Village. It was planned by his girlfriend and future wife, Erin. In the middle of the festivities I turned to Jamie and said, “Since I don’t have a girlfriend it’s up to you to plan MY 30th.”

I was only half telling the truth, but sure enough, 5 months later Jamie threw me a rager at her home, preceded by a surprise birthday dinner at Fuji. To this day the best birthday I’ve had in my 34 years on this planet.

Through all the parties, Yankee games, movie nights,  wrestling pay per views, U2 concerts, mutual love for TV shows, and laughing and laughing and falling apart, I must say being a part of Jamie and Jay’s wedding was very emotional for me. I was there from the beginning when they stumbled out of the bar, arms intertwined just starting out on their grand adventure and I was there, front row Saturday, with a lump in my throat as The Imperial March gave way to the wedding march and Jamie, flanked by her father, came walking down the isle looking beautiful as Jay stood at the altar with a goofy grin on his face.

I’m never giving up my front row seat to your life guys. I can’t wait to see where you go next.

All the Best, Enjoy You’re honeymoon because when you get back, we have a Halloween Party to plan.

Ah, Labor Day Weekend, the official close of the Summer. Here is a brief rundown of my summer.

Memorial Day weekend kicked off the summer in style. I traveled to Mass. to spend the day camping with some friends and had a great time watching the kids play. Later that weekend I caught The Hangover 2 with a big group of friends and laughed my ass off.

Aidan, Grayson and Ollie celebrated their respective birthdays in June with a great party. They also received a swimming pool as a gift and this summer with all the heatwaves I definitely took advantage of that gift through out the past few months.

My mother had a Fourth of July party which also doubled as my niece Bella’s first Birthday party. What a difference a year makes. Last year she was two days old on the fourth of july and barely moved. This year we had to take turns chasing her around the backyard.

Speaking of my mom she gave me a great 34th birthday gift by cleaning my apartment and filling my cabinets with some much needed groceries.

A much needed gift landed in my lap in late July. I was in the process of searching for a second job when out of the blue my cell phone rang. It was my old boss from Nicholas Pizza who offered me a few shifts a week because someone had quit out of the blue and he didn’t want to go through the hiring process. It feels good to be back there, if only for a few nights each week. I REALLY need the extra money and don’t think I could survive financially without it.

But it was the month of August where things really got rolling.

The month kicked off at Infinity Hall in Norfolk sitting in the third row with four of my best friends watching Toad The Wet Sprocket. I believe I stated before, if they ever made a movie about my teen years the music of Toad would provide the soundtrack. (and yes Bub, I know I still owe you for the ticket)

The following weekend I had one of the greatest nights in the last 10 years as we hit up NYC for Jay Marcoux’s Bachelor Party. The festivities kicked off with a Yankee win at the stadium and we pretty much went dark after that. Im sure I could write a great book about that night. The cockroach, Tullock’s front row seats, Bank of America with Chop and the bum, walking the streets in the pouring rain at 4 am searching for a deck of cards….etc etc etc.

Speaking of Jay Marcoux, he and Jamie and a great Jack & Jill with excellent food from Salerno’s in Torrington. We raised the happy couple about $1,500 and that’s not even counting the money I embezzled out of the money box or the booze Copeland drank from the prize table.

Andy and I weathered Hurricane Irene in style. We had plenty of snack food and watched movies all day. That is until Aidan and Grayson came to visit because they lost power in Morris. I introduced the boys to some great Simpsons episodes on DVD and then ate a tasty spaghetti dinner courtesy of my generous landlord.

And that about sums up The Summer of 2011. While I could have used a bit of a summer romance, it was still an above average couple of months…

Maybe I’ll see some of you this weekend, if not… See most everyone next Saturday at, what is sure to be the Wedding of  The Century, where not only are two of my favorite people in the world tying the knot but Ash and I are going to make a baby that very same night.

Karen Eckhart worked as a cook at Nicholas Pizza for 20 years. She came to work everyday. She only called out sick once in her two decades of employment and that was to bury her mother 10 years ago. If you were a customer of Nicholas Pizza in the last 20 years then you know Karen. She was the short lady with the short haircut and glasses. . If you didn’t know her by looks then you may have recognized her voice; a high-pitched southern twang. Karen was famous for asking customers if they want “extra cheese, something to drink?” after they had placed their order.

She didn’t talk much to her co-workers, unless of course she was telling them how they screwed something up. She was feisty but fair. Moody and loyal. She rarely smiled but she rarely complained. She was both sweet and sour. She was an odd duck too.

One time she entered the walk-in cooler. I was by the sink doing dishes. She didn’t see me. Karen stopped in the middle of the cooler, put her hands on her hips, looked down at her feet and said, “Hello feet…..what did I come in here for?”

She liked Danny, the restaurant manager. Although she only really asked him two things on a daily basis: “Are the Yankees playing tonight?” and “Did you order this lovely weather we’re having,” the latter question was usually asked during a snowstorm or heat wave.

Karen lived above the pizza place and for the most part she kept to herself. As far as we knew she had no family. If she had friends we never saw them. She was, in all honesty, fiercely private. On her days off she could be seen driving her big old Cadillac to Price Right to shop, to the laundromat and then to the smoke shop to buy a carton of cigarettes. At nights, as she sat in her tiny apartment with her pets, a cat named Silly and a dog named Baby, she often watched Animal Planet.

About six months ago Karen became ill and was forced to retire from Nicholas Pizza. Her apartment above the business was too big and expensive and she was set to move in to Torrington Towers at the end of this month. About 10 years ago when I was a delivery driver for the pizza place Karen would always shoot me a sarcastic smile when I had to take a delivery to the Towers. The elderly residents rarely tipped and they usually complained about the service. Danny used to say to Karen, “Be careful, you may end up there someday.”

Her reply was always the same, “I’d rather be dead.”

Since leaving Nicholas Pizza, the owner, as a sign of loyalty would do Karen’s laundry for her on Monday morning. Sunday night’s the delivery driver would walk up to her apartment, grab her laundry and return it to her the next day.

I worked two Sundays ago and was tasked with retrieving the old lady’s clothes. She hadn’t seen me in about 3 years and seemed generally happy to see me. We made small talk and she told me it felt strange not to be working anymore. It was the most honest thing she had ever said to me.

This past Sunday the employees and Nicholas Pizza found it odd that Karen didn’t call to have her laundry picked up. When they called her she didn’t answer the phone.  The next day when she didn’t answer the door when the meals on wheels arrived the owner of Nicholas Pizza called her landlord. He, along with her long-time boss at Nicholas Pizza entered her apartment.

Karen was dead. It appeared she died of natural causes. She was 65 years old. The ambulance came and took her away. Animal Control came and took away her beloved cat. There was no family to call. And if there is, no one knows about them. There will be no funeral. I don’t even know what the city does with dead people who have no kin.

As I stated, Karen was a private person. It seemed she liked to be alone. That’s how she lived her life and that’s how it ended. Alone.

I knew Karen for 10 years but I didn’t know much about her. She kept everyone at bay. I’m sure she had hopes and dreams and fears but she never shared them with anybody and that’s okay. It was her life and of course, she could live it how ever she chose.

To me though, it just seems wrong in some way that the woman died in her tiny apartment with only her cat for company. But my boss at the pizza place summed it up best when I saw him tonight.

“She did everything for herself and made it on her own,” he said. “I respected her for that.”

I did too. Rest In Peace.

This year, as part of my job, I covered two graduations. Last year I covered three and the year before that I think I set some sort of record by writing about six commencements over the span of two weeks. I really don’t mind covering graduations ceremonies for the newspaper. They are easy. Sit in he audience, listen to the speeches, talk to a few grads, get a few quotes and they are done.

I do take umbrage with the speeches made my the adults at the ceremonies. The quotes and words of advice from the “grown-ups” are phony. Speeches from students are mostly filled with humor and optimism and they should be since the weight of the world has yet to crush their noble spirit. The adults, however, those of us who’ve been there should stop quoting Dr. Seuss and tell it like it really is.

Here’s what I’d say if  I was chosen to give the commencement address:

Good evening graduates. Let me start by saying, if I hear one more student come up here and say how happy they are that it’s over and how they are so glad to be done, I may have to slap them and slap them hard. I’ll leave a red imprint on your face and Ill make you cry.

More than one person has spoken tonight about how exciting it will be in the ‘real world.’ Let me tell you something. I’m going to say it clear and I’m going to say it slow: That, my friends, is a crock of shit.

Agreed, life as you know it is over.  No more teachers no more books no more homework and dirty looks, indeed. But here is what you have to look forward to.

College, yes. But that will end to. Turning 21 and being able to get into bars is fun but it gets old quick. Eventually, the novelty of growing up will wear off. It will be replaced with routine. A job that you must go to everyday. And if you mouth off or skip out you wont get sent to the principal’s office. You’ll get fired.

When you were younger you wanted to be a doctor, or a movie star or a rockstar. Instead, you work at a job you hate. A job that when you were younger you used to laugh at people who had it and say you would never end up here. But it could even be worse than that. Maybe you are relying on Obama for a weekly unemployment check and dreading bumping into someone you know who will almost certainly ask you, “What are you doing for work?”

Bills will start to pile up. A letter will come and say they are turning off your heat. Your stomach will get bigger while your bank account will shrink.

Your parents, who once seemed so powerful and “with it” will get old.  They once had all the answers but now their hair is turning gray and when you turn to them for help, try as they might, the best advice they can give you is: “You’re on your own now, kiddo.”

Still glad it’s all over?

Since I know you little shits love quotes, allow me to quote a line from Diane Cord’s Valedictorian speech in ‘Say Anything’.

“I’ve seen our future and all I can say is, Go Back!”

Happy Graduation Fuckers!

About 10 years ago my father said something to me that I never forgot.

He came into my room to inquire why I had slept so late. It was obvious. I was hungover. Like most nights in my early 20s, I spent them drinking into the wee hours of the morning, then sleeping till noon. He told me I had to get my act together, which was nothing new. Then he said something that sorta stung.

“You’re not living,” he said. “You’re just existing.”

It was the deepest thing I’ve ever heard my father say. I brushed it off at the time but it stayed with me. In the years that followed I like to think I stopped “existing” and started living. Partying became less frequent. Aidan came into my life. Gram died. I got a job as a journalist. I bought a jeep. I moved out on my own. I inherited a dog. I sold my jeep. I became an Uncle. I’d say I’ve been living my life, not just existing.

But sometimes I can’t help but feel complacent.  When I was “existing”, granted, life was simple, but it was a hell of lot more fun. “Living” can be boring. Monday through Friday my routine has been the same for years. Wake up. Go to work. Come home. Eat. Walk dog. Watch Tv. Play on computer. Go to bed. Repeat.

Weekend used to be filled with endless possibilities. Now a great weekend is watching two good movies instead of one. Parties are far and few between and I honestly can’t remember the last time I was drunk. I almost want to say Road Race, TWO YEARS AGO.

I used to think that having a wife and kids was the missing element. The link between the mundane and exciting. The fuel that will restart a stagnant existence. Maybe it is. But I’m not so sure anymore. Many of my friends who are married with children often complain about the same things I do. Being bored. Being complacent. Existing instead of living. I bumped into an old friend a few weeks back who was holding his daughter while his other kid pestered him for candy. “This is my life now,” he said with a pained look on his face. I’m sure he was happy for the most part but there’s a lot of stress there too.

Half the problem is I had it really good, better than most I’d wager, for a really long time. Things didn’t really slow down until my late 20s and I suppose a life filled with zip and zazz takes more than a few years to get used to when things inevitably slow down.

The best part of the film Hot Tub Time Machine, besides the bear giving the black dude a blow job, was a quote from John Cusack’s character when he spoke so fondly of his past.

“We were young. We had momentum. We were winning,” he said.

Amen brother. Amen.

Well, it’s 11 p.m. Time to take the dog out then go to bed.

A friend recently pointed out that this blog has spiderwebs on it. Meaning that I haven’t updated in quite some time. Unfortunately, sometimes it’s just easier to do a Facebook status than to think of something to write about, log in, write it, spell check it, proof read it, blah blah blah. No, seriously blogging is fun and I wish I did it more.

That being said, here’s what’s been going on lately.

What a magnificent run by the UCONN Huskies mens basketball team. I had an odd feeling about the team way back in December when they beat Michigan State and then blew out Kentucky to win the Maui Invitational. A week later they were ranked 7 in the country and really never looked back. Sure, they wavered a bit towards the end of the regular season but then, with the start of the Big East Tournament, put together a marvelous run that I don’t think we’ll ever witness again. 11 wins in a row and they are suddenly National Champions. From Maui to Manhattan to Monday night. What a year!!

I spent a month watching some of the greatest TV I’ve ever witnessed. Thanks to Netflix and Amazon.com I blew through 3 seasons of Sons of Anarchy and 4 seasons of Mad Men. They are my two new favorite shows. And if you haven’t checked out Mad Men, believe it! The shows lives up to the hype and is worth of all the awards it has received since its premiere in 2007. Don Draper is the best character on TV since Tony Soprano. Nuff said!

Six years ago I took Aidan to his first movie, Shrek 2. Last month, at three years old, I took Grayson to his first, Gnomeo and Juliet. I think it definitely went over his head. He didn’t really know what a Gnome was and the whole idea of talking lawn ornaments was just bizarre to him. Aidan on the other hand was bored silly and thought the film was too “kiddie” for a 9-year-old.

It’s baseball season again and to me, the off season went by in the blink of an eye. The pain of watching the Yankees get blown out of the water by The Rangers is still fresh. As for the Red Sox, I really don’t know what to make of it. They lost 8 outta thier first 10 games and the only team they can beat is the Yankees. Go figure.

I have a new work-related blog. It’s all about Top 10 Lists, which readers of this site over the years know, I’m a big fan of. I’m yet to do my first post but when I do, here’s where you can check it out: http://top10middlesex.blogspot.com/

Okay, that’s enough for now I suppose. I promise to make it a point to blog more but then again, what do you care?

1. My Jeep

2. Adolescent Summers with Bob on Barton Street

3. DVR

4. The Grass

5. LOST

6. My Grandfather (15 years ago today)

7. The Attitude Era in WWE

8. The Joe Torre Era Yankees

9. Friday Night Fun

10. Vicodin

I’m not one to really talk about the weather on Facebook.  Why would I, there are so many who do it for me. And I’m fine with that. When there is not much else to say, you talk about the weather. It’s better than awkward silence right?

However, after a months worth of storms and nearly 80 inches of snow I feel I must chime in…

As far as I’m concerned the winter started off harmlessly enough, the day after Christmas. Remember that storm? Dec. 26. The state was coated with about a foot of snow. It was more white stuff than I had seen in a long time. It was holiday season, kids were home, I was on vacation. It was nice.

Then, a week later, right after New Years, we got hit again. Big time. Still kinda nice. Then, boom, hit again the following week. You all live around here, you know the pattern. Since that storm on Dec. 26 we have been dumped on every single week. Sometimes two or three times in a week.

I’m not surprised that the state couldn’t keep up. Schools are closed constantly, roofs are collapsing and I haven’t seen grass in a long time.

I know this shit if affecting everyone but here’s my story:

- I’m afraid to go into some buildings in fear they will collapse. I find myself glancing at the shape of the roofs. If they are square, I must think twice about going in. (do I really need to see Yogi Bear in 3d?)

- I’ve worked from home a lot because I’m terrified to drive in the snow. Last year when I had the Jeep I got into and accident on my way to work during a snow storm. I slid off the highway while getting off an exit ramp, crashed into a guard rail which knocked my front tire clean off. Had to be towed. From that point on I’ve really become a snow pussy when it comes to driving in bad weather.

- The snow has impacted my routine with the dog. Andy likes the snow to a point but after the first big storm when he bounded out the door onto the lawn and sank like a turd in water, he’s been a different dog. He realizes the snow is way over his head and is hesitant to walk in it. We don’t take as many walks around the neighborhood because the salt gets into his paws and then he limps the rest of the way home. He also has to find the perfect place to shit. He doesn’t like to get snow on his ass (who does) so he must find a space with minimal powder. If he can’t he’ll either hold it, (which really pisses me off) or (I shit you not) dig a hole in the snow and crap in it.

The weatherman keeps telling me that we are on course to break the snow record set in 1995-96. What did we get that year? 122 inches or something? I really don’t remember that. I’ve never thought back and said, ‘Wow, this winter is nothing compared to the winter of 96.’

Probably because back then the storms were spread out. A few big storms here and there stretched out over a five month period. Not a foot of snow each week like we’re seeing this season. Then again, back in 95/96 I was a freshmen in college. I didn’t work. I didn’t do much driving. I partied all the time so the last thing i was doing was paying attention to snow storms.

So that’s that. In closing, Fuck You Winter!

I first began feeling it on New Years Eve day. That little burn in the back of your throat that lets you know the sickness is in you and is trying to get out.

I OD’d on orange juice and Airborn pills and did a little praying to the New Year’s Eve Gods. I said let the sickness take me but just give me one more day.

The gods listened for the most part. Shortly after the midnight meatstick countdown I started to feel hot, my throat was sore and I started to get stuffy. By 130 I was on my way home. Then the night took a turn for the worse.

I was prepared to crash out the couch and watch a little TV before falling asleep. Only thing is, the TV wouldn’t turn on. My new 50-inch Samsung TV had apparently shit the bed. I was furious but more so I was sick and getting more tired by the second. I shook my head, walked to my room with my head down and crashed into my bed for 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

As expected, I spent the first few days of 2011 on the couch. My head hurt, my throat hurt and I couldn’t stop coughing. Good news came in the form of a last ditch phone call to the company who handles the warranties for the now shuttered Circuit City. I read off the serial number on my broken TV. It was still covered but they couldn’t get a repair man out to me till Monday. He didn’t show up till Tuesday night. But within 20 minutes my broken TV was as good as new. The lamp had burned out which is apparently common on Samsung TVs. The repairman encouraged me not to watch so much TV in an effort to extend the life of my new lamp.

Not to mention, my car has been in the shop while all this is happening….but we won’t go there. I’m thankful t’s getting fixed and that is all that matters.

The lone highlight of 2011 thus far occurred today while picking up a few groceries at Stop & Shop after work.

I stood in the self-checkout line, scanning my items when a girl caught my eye. She stood in front of Peoples Bank sipping water out of a Dixie cup. Brunette, a little shorter than me. Thin. Pretty. I recognized her instantly. She worked at the bank. I met her many years ago when I worked at Nicholas Pizza. My boss did his banking at Peoples and I was often the one who went to the establishment to deposit money or make change. And, 9 times out of 10, she was the one waiting on me.

After I left the pizza biz I never really saw her anymore. Occasionally I’d see her behind the counter at the bank but I never talked to her. I banked elsewhere.

I actually bumped into her a few years back at karaoke night at Senior Panchos in Litchfield. She was drinking with some work buddies. She noticed me staring at her that night. She walked up to me, beer in hand and asked, “Where do I know you from?” I reminded her of our days as customer and banker. She said she remembered. I don’t think she did.

Anyway, today my attention was broken after my credit card was declined and I had to instead pay in cash. A line was forming behind me and all I was concentrating on was getting the hell out of that store. I stopped thinking about the girl, paid for my groceries as fast as I could, bagged em and started to leave.

After bagging my groceries I quickly turned around and nearly collided head on with the Dixie cup drinking banker. I smiled and simply said, ‘hi.” She also smiled and said, “hi.” And I headed to the exit.

I stopped briefly at the newspaper rack and glanced at the back page of the Daily News, thinking only about how pretty the girl was that I almost floored in my haste to leave the store. While looking down at the papers I slowly turned to the right. She was looking at me but quickly turned  away when she saw me glance in her direction.

I think I’ll call her…..The Bank Girl.