Big Daddy Gouda

1. My Jeep

2. Adolescent Summers with Bob on Barton Street

3. DVR

4. The Grass

5. LOST

6. My Grandfather (15 years ago today)

7. The Attitude Era in WWE

8. The Joe Torre Era Yankees

9. Friday Night Fun

10. Vicodin

I’m not one to really talk about the weather on Facebook.  Why would I, there are so many who do it for me. And I’m fine with that. When there is not much else to say, you talk about the weather. It’s better than awkward silence right?

However, after a months worth of storms and nearly 80 inches of snow I feel I must chime in…

As far as I’m concerned the winter started off harmlessly enough, the day after Christmas. Remember that storm? Dec. 26. The state was coated with about a foot of snow. It was more white stuff than I had seen in a long time. It was holiday season, kids were home, I was on vacation. It was nice.

Then, a week later, right after New Years, we got hit again. Big time. Still kinda nice. Then, boom, hit again the following week. You all live around here, you know the pattern. Since that storm on Dec. 26 we have been dumped on every single week. Sometimes two or three times in a week.

I’m not surprised that the state couldn’t keep up. Schools are closed constantly, roofs are collapsing and I haven’t seen grass in a long time.

I know this shit if affecting everyone but here’s my story:

- I’m afraid to go into some buildings in fear they will collapse. I find myself glancing at the shape of the roofs. If they are square, I must think twice about going in. (do I really need to see Yogi Bear in 3d?)

- I’ve worked from home a lot because I’m terrified to drive in the snow. Last year when I had the Jeep I got into and accident on my way to work during a snow storm. I slid off the highway while getting off an exit ramp, crashed into a guard rail which knocked my front tire clean off. Had to be towed. From that point on I’ve really become a snow pussy when it comes to driving in bad weather.

- The snow has impacted my routine with the dog. Andy likes the snow to a point but after the first big storm when he bounded out the door onto the lawn and sank like a turd in water, he’s been a different dog. He realizes the snow is way over his head and is hesitant to walk in it. We don’t take as many walks around the neighborhood because the salt gets into his paws and then he limps the rest of the way home. He also has to find the perfect place to shit. He doesn’t like to get snow on his ass (who does) so he must find a space with minimal powder. If he can’t he’ll either hold it, (which really pisses me off) or (I shit you not) dig a hole in the snow and crap in it.

The weatherman keeps telling me that we are on course to break the snow record set in 1995-96. What did we get that year? 122 inches or something? I really don’t remember that. I’ve never thought back and said, ‘Wow, this winter is nothing compared to the winter of 96.’

Probably because back then the storms were spread out. A few big storms here and there stretched out over a five month period. Not a foot of snow each week like we’re seeing this season. Then again, back in 95/96 I was a freshmen in college. I didn’t work. I didn’t do much driving. I partied all the time so the last thing i was doing was paying attention to snow storms.

So that’s that. In closing, Fuck You Winter!

I first began feeling it on New Years Eve day. That little burn in the back of your throat that lets you know the sickness is in you and is trying to get out.

I OD’d on orange juice and Airborn pills and did a little praying to the New Year’s Eve Gods. I said let the sickness take me but just give me one more day.

The gods listened for the most part. Shortly after the midnight meatstick countdown I started to feel hot, my throat was sore and I started to get stuffy. By 130 I was on my way home. Then the night took a turn for the worse.

I was prepared to crash out the couch and watch a little TV before falling asleep. Only thing is, the TV wouldn’t turn on. My new 50-inch Samsung TV had apparently shit the bed. I was furious but more so I was sick and getting more tired by the second. I shook my head, walked to my room with my head down and crashed into my bed for 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

As expected, I spent the first few days of 2011 on the couch. My head hurt, my throat hurt and I couldn’t stop coughing. Good news came in the form of a last ditch phone call to the company who handles the warranties for the now shuttered Circuit City. I read off the serial number on my broken TV. It was still covered but they couldn’t get a repair man out to me till Monday. He didn’t show up till Tuesday night. But within 20 minutes my broken TV was as good as new. The lamp had burned out which is apparently common on Samsung TVs. The repairman encouraged me not to watch so much TV in an effort to extend the life of my new lamp.

Not to mention, my car has been in the shop while all this is happening….but we won’t go there. I’m thankful t’s getting fixed and that is all that matters.

The lone highlight of 2011 thus far occurred today while picking up a few groceries at Stop & Shop after work.

I stood in the self-checkout line, scanning my items when a girl caught my eye. She stood in front of Peoples Bank sipping water out of a Dixie cup. Brunette, a little shorter than me. Thin. Pretty. I recognized her instantly. She worked at the bank. I met her many years ago when I worked at Nicholas Pizza. My boss did his banking at Peoples and I was often the one who went to the establishment to deposit money or make change. And, 9 times out of 10, she was the one waiting on me.

After I left the pizza biz I never really saw her anymore. Occasionally I’d see her behind the counter at the bank but I never talked to her. I banked elsewhere.

I actually bumped into her a few years back at karaoke night at Senior Panchos in Litchfield. She was drinking with some work buddies. She noticed me staring at her that night. She walked up to me, beer in hand and asked, “Where do I know you from?” I reminded her of our days as customer and banker. She said she remembered. I don’t think she did.

Anyway, today my attention was broken after my credit card was declined and I had to instead pay in cash. A line was forming behind me and all I was concentrating on was getting the hell out of that store. I stopped thinking about the girl, paid for my groceries as fast as I could, bagged em and started to leave.

After bagging my groceries I quickly turned around and nearly collided head on with the Dixie cup drinking banker. I smiled and simply said, ‘hi.” She also smiled and said, “hi.” And I headed to the exit.

I stopped briefly at the newspaper rack and glanced at the back page of the Daily News, thinking only about how pretty the girl was that I almost floored in my haste to leave the store. While looking down at the papers I slowly turned to the right. She was looking at me but quickly turned  away when she saw me glance in her direction.

I think I’ll call her…..The Bank Girl.

With 2011 set to kick off in days with Jay/Jamie’s (somewhat) annual New Years Eve Party, I think it’s time to reflect back at the past 12 Months:

2010 started off at a bar. Yes, for only the second time since my friends and I started celebrating New Years as a group we spent the evening, not at a house party but at an establishment. If I had to sum it up in a word, “Meh.” Not a lot of people attended and by midnight rather than try and find someone to kiss I was looking for a sober ride home.

In February I spent Valentines Day with Ashlie. We did dinner (sushi) and a movie (The Wolfman). And while I wouldn’t call it the most romantic night I would call it one of my favorite Valentine’s Days. While that was the most fun I had in February the worst time I had is when I went sliding off the road into a guard rail and blew out my tire. And I thought Jeeps were supposed to be good in the snow. Like my dad says, “Yeah but not when you’re trying to take a corner going 30 during a blizzard.” Touche

March and April, for the first time since I left home for college in 95, were moving months. I left my family home and moved into a studio apartment in Litchfield. The area surrounding my home was beautiful. Forest as far as the eye could see. Along with that forest came ticks and toads who entered my small home any chance they got. I think Bub said it best: “That place is nice Gouda but after a while you’ll start to go a little Clockwork Orange.”

So, on April 1 I moved again. Keely’s mother-in-law had a pet friendly, spacious, two-bedroom apartment available in Torrington. The rent was more than reasonable and the selling point for me: A five minute walk to the movie theater.

May brought to a close my favorite show of all time. LOST ended after six seasons with a two-hour finale that I found most impressive. For most I don’t think life without LOST has sunk in. But as we get into the first few weeks of 2011 the reality will sink in because, after all, for the past few years, late January, early February is when LOST would have its season premieres.

The start of the summer brought new life. Aidan and Grayson welcomed a brother, Oliver while my sister made me an “Uncle Walt” for real when my niece Bella was born July 2. The rest of the summer was sorta ho-hum. I saw some great films like Inception and Toy Story 3 and some really bad ones like A-Team and Salt. Salt! What was I thinking??

Fall had its ups and down. The demise of the New York Yankess was pretty fucking awful while Jamie’s Halloween Party was pretty rockin, natch. My parents got me an early Christmas present this year in the form of a 50-inch flat screen TV. Besides Andy it’s the nicest thing I’ve ever owned.

And speaking of Andy. While last year him living with me was kind of work in progress, in 2010 he definitely became part of the family. I never thought I’d feel that way about a dog but it just happened. I mean, how can you turn your back on someone who is always happy to see you? My father, who I always thought hated animals, always asks about Andy whenever he calls. Gesette bought him a house-warming gift when we moved (which he destroyed by chewing to pieces) and this Christmas when I went to my moms there were not only gifts for me but for Andy as well.

Who knows what 2011 will bring. Some things I’m already looking forward to include U2 at Giants Stadium on my birthday and, of course, Jay and Jamie’s wedding. Other than that, who knows.

Hopefully see a lot of you Friday. And keep an eye out for my annual Top 10 Films of the Year list where I’m sure Tooth Fairy will be #1.